No Thank You...

The Joy of "NO."

After years of saying "Yes," to everyone before saying "Yes," to ME, I've started saying, "NO!" and boy, is it pissing people off. And I just don't care any more. I've been doing this off and on, more or less successfully, for about a year or so. This week has been a MORE successfully week.

When people get used to your saying "Yes, yes, yes," to their every little plea or request, they get a little perturbed when they hear "No." At first they'll say, "Oh, are you not feeling well?" or they'll go right to feeling offended and say, "Why

not? It's the "Why not?" people I am really beginning to be annoyed with.

The "Why not?" doesn't come from their curiosity. It comes from their sense of feeling entitled...as tho they are entitled to my time, attention, resources and energy whenever they want it. The thing is, these people are the ones who only call or write when they want something. They NEVER call just to chat, or to see how I'm doing, or to ask if there's anything they can do for ME.

They don't call to say, "Hey, let's have lunch and catch up." They don't call to say, "Haven't heard from you in a while, what's new?"

They call or write to say, "My editor got sick. Can you edit this for me?" (NEVER asking if I have time, or offering to pay.) Or they'll say, "I'm broke this week. We just got back from vacation and I need XYZ, but I have like no money right now. Can you help me out with this project?" Ummmm.....No. I don't want to drop everything to rescue you. You'll have to figure out something else. Not my responsibility.

I'm busy working on ME. I'm eating right, getting enough sleep and working to make money to pay for exercise equipment, a bike, healthy food. I don't want to help you right now. I may not even want to help you  again EVER! You've SPENT all the credits in your social money account.

But it's not JUST those who want to use you that you say "no" to. You can say it to people you really WANT to help and that's okay too. Those are the people who get it, who understand, who respect your time. They're the ones who have several friends they can call on. They like it that you're  taking care of you because when you're satisfied, then you have energy to give!  So, whether the person asking is annoying, or someone you really want to help, but have something you need to do for you first.....

Saying "No," is a GOOD Thing!
People who are used to your being at their beck and call, or that know you can't say "no," are not going to like it when you start focusing on your life, your goals, your needs. That's okay. The ONLY person you're responsible for is YOU. Other adults are responsible for THEIR needs, THEIR emotions, THEIR problems. Healthy adults get that, and they take care of themselves. They aren't offended that you can't chip in, or help. They KNOW they're the ultimate person in charge of them. If you have several friends like this, you're lucky!

When you start losing weight, exercising, and withdrawing from things you used to do, but now have put aside to take care of your needs, your absence will be felt, but not always in the way you'd think, especially if you're the caretaker. People will try to sabotage your weight loss and your exercise because they don't like how it affects THEM. If you were not aware of how they saw you before, this can be a rude awakening for you! And it can be painful too. If this journey has taught me anything, it's that people get rude, ugly, offended and pissy when you start saying "no," and start setting new boundaries. But that's okay. Their offendedness is their problem, not yours. Remember that.