Bulgarian Sand Bag

The exercise in the photo to the left, the one with the hot guy in awesome shape swinging what looks like a purse the size a friend of mine carries, is a great way to shed pounds. If you have a purse like this, and many women do! Use it. Otherwise, get yourself a "Bulgarian Sand Bag."

Also called a "Bulgarian Training Bag,"  these torture, er, training tools were created by Ivan Ivanov, a former Bulgarian Greco-Roman Olympic athlete to train Olympic wrestlers. The originals are made of goat skin, filled with sand and padded with wool. Oh...and the US Navy SEALS use them too, so you know it's a workout.

I know. Plain old dumb bells and weights aren't enough...so I found this while surfing UFO videos on YouTube. Don't ask me how I went from aliens to Bulgarian Sand Bags, but I did.

Okay, new, and looking suspiciously like an awesome shoulder bag, the commercial versions of the Bulgarian Sand Bag cost about $150 to $250. But you can make your own for MUCH MUCH less. No, they won't look as sexy, and you'll get duct tape adhesive all over your hands, but think of all the money you'll save!


I have a video of the the "how-to" make your own below. I'll post a video of me making my own as soon as I can scrounge some inner tubes and dried beans. You can also use wood pellets, or mulch or whatever you can lift. Words cannot describe this thing, although here's a GREAT article by Joe Hashey on what the Bulgarian sand bag is and how to use it. Or scroll down a bit. I embedded Joe's video with Joe demonstrating the homemade bag in use. Seamstress types (male or female), feel free to whip out the sewing machine and encase the rubber in some durable vinyl or canvas if you don't want black marks on everything. Rubber inner tubes tend to leave skid marks. They're not hard to get up, but who needs the hassle?

So why all this weird equipment? Because I'm going to lose weight cheaply and with stuff that most people can either afford, or find or make themselves. A lot of people say you have to have expensive weight sets, or gym memberships...and while those are nice, what if you can't afford them? Joe has, by the way, some great tips on cheap weight equipment...including the sand bag.

And here's the workout. That's Joe in the video. No, I don't know him, but I'm impressed at how he can sling that bag around! If you can keep up with ALL 7 minutes of this, you'll be a limp rag on the floor I'm sure! Okay. Now go to Walmart, buy a truck innertube, some duct tape and zip ties and have a fun afternoon making various weight sand bags!!

My Sink

My real sink. Not a stock photo!

Good News, Bad News
The bad news is, I live in a VERY tiny studio apartment. It has ONE sink, and it's in the bathroom. That means whenever I cook I first wipe everything down with vinegar (kills more germs and bacteria than bleach). The good news is, according to all official reports, bathrooms have fewer germs than kitchens. Whew!

This is what my sink looks like 75% of the day. Honest. The other 25% it is filled with dishes, well, a plastic tub set in the sink that is filled with dishes, pots and pans. To wash my dishes I must either set up a small table to put the clean dishes on, or I have to walk out to the living area and put them on the counter there to dry. I used to set up the table, but steps are steps and with 10 steps (5 to and 5 fro), I can rack up a LOT of steps in a day washing my cereal, salad and snack bowls as well as a variety of plates.

When space is at a premium, it's good to stay on top of things so they don't pile up. The thing was, a year ago I wasn't so good at that.


What A Difference A Coach Makes
I can't remember what month, year I met Lorraine Esposito, but I remember it was online and I stepped in to defend her against a loudmouth, obnoxious, hateful, spiteful bully in a forum we were in. We hit it off online and progressed to phone calls and emails. Then we swapped services, my writing for her coaching. Best deal I ever made.

Lorraine helped me identify what mattered to me. Then she helped me learn self-discipline, not by doing all sorts of things with my business or my life, but with my sink.
"Think of one small, very small thing you'd like to see change in your life," she prompted.
"My sink. I'd like to get up to a clean sink every morning," I said.
And so it began. For a month the only thing I HAD to do at the end of every day was to clean the sink. Even with dishes stacked 2 feet high, it still only took 10-20 minutes. I could commit to that. Or thought I could. There were days I didn't clean the sink. I was, I told myself, just too tired. Most days I FORCED myself to do it, grumbling all the while. But then I got the hang of it and 4 out of 7, then 5 out of 7, then 7 out of 7 days the sink got cleaned. I felt better when I went to bed. I felt better when I got up. I liked how I felt about myself when I accomplished this task.

It took a month or more to get to that point, but as each month goes by it's a habit I continue to enforce. Sure, there are times now and then when I deliberately leave dishes in the sink. But it's a choice and it doesn't usually feel good. It's usually because I've been sick. But recently I've started "cleaning as I go" and that makes it REALLY easy to clean at night. Most nights now I just have a glass, or maybe a bowl if I've had a fruit snack (grapes usually). It's nice!

I tried this sink cleaning exercise years ago with "the Fly Lady." She too encourages people to "just clean the sink" as a way to begin tackling household messes. That didn't work for me because a clean sink wasn't motivation enough for me. What Lorraine did was help me figure out why self-discipline was important to me and link it to why I cleaned the sink.  And that made all the difference. I've done the same thing with my weight loss this time—found a motivation and linked it to logging my meals. When that habit is rolling, then I'll exercise for 5, then 10, then 15 minutes a day.

The Miracle of Minutes
So many people fail at things they try to do, like quitting smoking, losing weight, or exercise, because they try to do it all at once. Then they get overwhelmed and give up. The last time I lost weight I started out with a two-hour a day commitment at the gym. Yeah. That lasted six weeks and then I was just too tired, sick and sore to keep it up. I could have kept it up if I'd known the principle of "baby steps." If it had occurred to me that while I was sick and sore I could just work out 10 minutes a day, but keep up the habit of GOING to the gym. But no, it was ALL or NOTHING. And it ended up being NOTHING. If I couldn't go for two hours, I just stopped going. You know how that ended.

The miracle of minutes is that they're baby steps. You build on them. You do what you can and then push yourself a little more than what you think you can each time. Over time what you're doing GROWS. I could clean my sink, the push was to clean it every day, one day at a time. Exercise, eating right, logging my food...they're all habits I'm developing one step at a time. The only one pushing me is me, but as long as I'm taking BABY STEPS, I can do it. Like this blog. My goal is to write something EVERY DAY.  My goal is to LOG my food every day at Lose It! But I can't do it all at once. I start with ONE thing and focus on creating THAT habit, like logging my food. Then I tie exercising to that, then something else to that. Pretty soon it's all coming together and the weight is coming off!!

Habits to Form
What habits am I working on forming now? Here's my list. But remember, I'm ONLY tackling ONE of these at a time! Those in yellow are the two things I'm consistently doing NOW. The others I do when I think about it, or remember them, (a way to prime the pump!!), but they're next on the list!

• Blogging every day
• Logging my food  every day
• Keeping a "Choices" journal (writing down why I made the choices I did and my justification for each choice so I can identify my process)
• Exercise every day, even if it's just 5 minutes a day some day
• Clean off my desk and write out a "to-do" list each evening of the next day's activities
• Eat ONE frog a day (Not a real frog, a distasteful or difficult task as outlined in Brian Tracy's book, Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time)
  

And to think, it all started with cleaning the sink.

No Thank You...

The Joy of "NO."

After years of saying "Yes," to everyone before saying "Yes," to ME, I've started saying, "NO!" and boy, is it pissing people off. And I just don't care any more. I've been doing this off and on, more or less successfully, for about a year or so. This week has been a MORE successfully week.

When people get used to your saying "Yes, yes, yes," to their every little plea or request, they get a little perturbed when they hear "No." At first they'll say, "Oh, are you not feeling well?" or they'll go right to feeling offended and say, "Why

not? It's the "Why not?" people I am really beginning to be annoyed with.

The "Why not?" doesn't come from their curiosity. It comes from their sense of feeling entitled...as tho they are entitled to my time, attention, resources and energy whenever they want it. The thing is, these people are the ones who only call or write when they want something. They NEVER call just to chat, or to see how I'm doing, or to ask if there's anything they can do for ME.

They don't call to say, "Hey, let's have lunch and catch up." They don't call to say, "Haven't heard from you in a while, what's new?"

They call or write to say, "My editor got sick. Can you edit this for me?" (NEVER asking if I have time, or offering to pay.) Or they'll say, "I'm broke this week. We just got back from vacation and I need XYZ, but I have like no money right now. Can you help me out with this project?" Ummmm.....No. I don't want to drop everything to rescue you. You'll have to figure out something else. Not my responsibility.

I'm busy working on ME. I'm eating right, getting enough sleep and working to make money to pay for exercise equipment, a bike, healthy food. I don't want to help you right now. I may not even want to help you  again EVER! You've SPENT all the credits in your social money account.

But it's not JUST those who want to use you that you say "no" to. You can say it to people you really WANT to help and that's okay too. Those are the people who get it, who understand, who respect your time. They're the ones who have several friends they can call on. They like it that you're  taking care of you because when you're satisfied, then you have energy to give!  So, whether the person asking is annoying, or someone you really want to help, but have something you need to do for you first.....

Saying "No," is a GOOD Thing!
People who are used to your being at their beck and call, or that know you can't say "no," are not going to like it when you start focusing on your life, your goals, your needs. That's okay. The ONLY person you're responsible for is YOU. Other adults are responsible for THEIR needs, THEIR emotions, THEIR problems. Healthy adults get that, and they take care of themselves. They aren't offended that you can't chip in, or help. They KNOW they're the ultimate person in charge of them. If you have several friends like this, you're lucky!

When you start losing weight, exercising, and withdrawing from things you used to do, but now have put aside to take care of your needs, your absence will be felt, but not always in the way you'd think, especially if you're the caretaker. People will try to sabotage your weight loss and your exercise because they don't like how it affects THEM. If you were not aware of how they saw you before, this can be a rude awakening for you! And it can be painful too. If this journey has taught me anything, it's that people get rude, ugly, offended and pissy when you start saying "no," and start setting new boundaries. But that's okay. Their offendedness is their problem, not yours. Remember that.

Why I HATE Calorie Count

CALORIE COUNT SUCKS.
I don't mean "counting calories." I'm referring to the weight loss site by the name.

I recently went back to CalorieCount.About.com to see what changes they'd made so I could refer people to them. Not everyone will love Lose It!  and the idea is to get people to find a site that works for them. They used to be CalorieCount and were acquired by About.com is my understanding. BAD MOVE.  GAME OVER CALORIE COUNT.

I saw they had changed their website and now offer a nutritionist's review either weekly, or monthly, for a fee of course.

It SEEMED reasonable...the first 7 days were free, and you could even sign up for free and get your initial report, then discontinue your plan after you got the free report! Well, I NEVER got the free report, so at Day 6 I went to cancel my plan because they didn't deliver what they promised.

And guess what? THERE IS NO "END CONTRACT," or "STOP PLAN" button. THEY HIDE IT SO YOU WON'T FIND IT!! And if you can't find it, you can't quit. After more than an hour of clicking through every link remotely related to stopping my plan I finally, I thought, managed to "UNSUBSCRIBE." I say, "THOUGHT" because there was no confirmation, or email that I had. I blocked the slimy bastards on my credit card so they couldn't charge me anyway, just in case, and I wrote EVERY email address I could find...even using the asterisked "F" bomb in one I was so angry. There is NO phone number on the site (but they may put one up after they read this, sneaky, uncaring people they are) to contact customer service and no one responded to NUMEROUS tweets, or emails, none of them happy tweets.

What I HATE about sites like Calorie Count is that they're only after the consumer dollar. I noticed it's now IMPOSSIBLE to post anything negative on the site. Everything is a check box or radio button. You may THINK you're in a supportive community, and you may find like minds, but you're very tightly controlled.

So, think TWICE before joining Calorie Count and NEVER give them your credit card. Buy a pre-paid debit card for ONE month's service so you don't get dinged and dinged and dinged while you argue with them over cancelling your account. Weight Watchers does this too. You have to call and talk to a sales person who is HIGHLY trained to talk you OUT of leaving their program. The Weight Loss industry PREYS on people trying to lose weight. They only want your money and they know you'll give it to them. SCREW THE WEIGHT LOSS INDUSTRY!! 

I'm sorry to say Lose It! may, in time, be unable to resist the temptation to fleece people, but I'm hoping they prove me wrong.

Kashi Chocolate Squares & Cathe

 I LOVE getting mail. Today I got a new workout DVD from my friend and coach Lorraine Esposito, who is God's gift to personal coaching as well as personal fitness. Some day I'm going to devote and ENTIRE post to how her coaching and her commitment to me, and all her clients, changed my life, because she truly did... and continues to do so to this day...

Anyway, she sent me a new "Dyna-band", which is fitness talk for "big rubber band." It's a bright green (my favorite color) rubber workout band to go with the new copy of the Cathe Travel Fit DVD she also sent me. Also in the mail was a new Kashi treat. Amazing how Kashi managed to also send me a sample "Chocolate Soft-Baked Square"on the same day I got my fitness stuff!!! So of course I opened it. A coupon I would have tossed, but it's hard to pass up free brownies, even if they are supposed to be good for you.

The Kashi square is a whopping 160 calories... more than a traditional brownie that size. But the Kashi is "healthy." It's made of black beans, sweet potato, 7 whole grains and agave.  It packs an amazing 300mg of ALA Omega 3 - the healthy good-for-your-heart stuff. Doesn't look like it does it? lol!!!  Six grams of fat though...It's kind of dry, but it is soft.

You can feel the fiber too. I agree with most of the reviewers. It has a sawdust feel to it. It's subtle, not overwhelming. But I have to admit, it would be hard to substitute this for the real deal made of flour, sugar, dark chocolate and butter.

My approach to FORBIDDEN foods is the "Joy" principle. Take one bite, savor it, then take another and another (if need be) until you're not feeling the "joy" of the food, but are just moving your mouth and consuming food because you can. A lot of times all takes is one bite of something to kill the craving for it...such as brownies. I admit, at first you'll eat the whole pan of brownies in search of the end of the joy...but you really will get to a point where you can take one bite and say, "Wow, that was good," and then move on. This allows you to taste something you think is forbidden, without bingeing on it. Binge eaters may have difficulty with this exercise, but it's one of the few exercises I truly never tire of doing!! So, I took two bites, about 80 calories, of this thing, and decided I would get more joy out of using those 80 calories to add creamer to my coffee. It's up to you how you spend your calories. I like mine liquid...lemonade, soda, creamer in my coffee, sugar in my tea.

But as far as do these taste good? If you're used to a no fat, health food kind of taste, yeah. Apparently microwaving them helps with the taste, but doesn't that kill the healthy aspect of them?

Cathe Video

Okay. Enough of the brownies already. How is the video? Pretty good! I haven't actually DONE it yet, but I watched it to see what I'm in for. I'll start tomorrow. If you want a sample though, here's Cathe doing her thing! The "Lorraine" in the video is not the same person as my friend Lorraine...so don't get confused. My friend Lorraine is more ripped!! See the resistance band? That's what I got! Looks fun huh? This is Cathe's 6 minute YouTube sampler...but I'm looking forward to te entire DVD...I promise, once I do the workout she'll get equal time to the chocolate square!

Strength is MORE Than Just Muscle

Being a strong person means more than just having muscle. It means having strong ethics, boundaries, discipline. None of us have it all 100%.

Right now my strengths lie in how much junk food I can eat in a weekend, or the fact I can spend an entire weekend watching a marathon of UFO and conspiracy videos, the X-Files and old Twilight Zone reruns and barely break a sweat.

My goal however, is to lose another 92 pounds, get my work schedule down to 4 hours a day, not 14, and to have a life. I want to be strong when it comes to matters of conscience as well as being able to carry my own groceries and tote my own barge as we say in the south.

Yes, I would love to have the body of the gal in the photo, but am I strong enough mentally, emotionally and work ethic wise to pull it off? Not now. But by the time I got to the point where I want to be in those areas. I think I'd look just like her...except for the blond hair. I don't want the blond hair...abs? Yes. Quads? Check....Triceps and guns? Totally.

Self Discipline versus Habit

Self Discipline versus Habit. 

I guess you could say Self Discipline IS a Habit. Either way, you need one or the other or BOTH in full or part to exercise and eat right every day.

I was thinking about this while lying in bed this morning. I notice that when we get a new job we may struggle with getting up and getting there on time every day, but the lure of a paycheck and the novelty of eating regularly all get us into a working habit pretty quickly. The consequence of getting fired and living in a cardboard box under the Interstate isn't a pleasant thought. I didn't WANT to get up and start writing/working, but I like eating and not being homeless.

The idea of becoming homeless is so unpleasant it will even keep us in a job we hate, around people we loathe, and a boss we'd like to see get taken out by a bus at rush hour, or by eating a ham sandwich while on the toilet (apologies to Elvis and his fans). (Can you believe there's an entire website devoted to stories about poop? Sorry to digress.)

It's NOT so hard to develop the habit and discipline of working for a living if you truly enjoy eating regularly and sleeping under a roof instead of a cardboard box, but showing up to work every day can  still be a challenge! I have to "show up" at my desk, 15 feet from my bed, every day and THAT'S hard. There's no commute. There's no boss. There's no time clock, I set my own hours. But if I don't show up at some time and do the work, I don't eat...as evidenced by a diet of beans and rice last week.

Apparently the secret to developing self-discipline and habit then is finding a consequence severe enough to motivate you past the discomfort, or is it? The threat of imminent death isn't obviously a concern, as evidence of a nation of fat people and an "obesity epidemic." And, the consequences of appearance don't seem to faze many of us, otherwise there would be no "people of Walmart" website.

Money will almost always motivate people, as evidenced by The Biggest Loser's cash prize of $250,000 for losing the most weight. But most of those folks put the weight back on once they have the money.

So how do people push past the pain, the frustration, the depression, the cravings, the obstacles etc to stay on course? It HAS to be self-discipline. I like what Peter Clemens has to say about self-discipline:


"Self-discipline involves acting according to what you think instead of how you feel in the moment. Often it involves sacrificing the pleasure and thrill of the moment for what matters most in life. Therefore it is self-discipline that drives you to:

• Work on an idea or project after the initial rush of enthusiasm has faded away
• Go to the gym when all you want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV
• Wake early to work on yourself
• Say “no” when tempted to break your diet
• Only check your email a few of times per day at particular times"

Did you catch that? "Often it involves sacrificing the pleasure and thrill of the moment for what matters most in life."

That sums up dieting and exercise to a "T". To lose weight you have to:

• Decide to lose it
• Commit to losing it
• Focus on losing it
• Not get distracted by reasons to change your path to losing it

It's a DECISION for the ultimate good, not the momentary pleasure. Someone recently criticized me for changing my mind about attending some classes. After I talked about signing up and looked forward to attending them all summer, I "suddenly" changed my mind. The last day to sign up for class was this week, and I didn't sign up.

My friend gave me a hard time about it, but I explained, "I knew I couldn't commit to it financially or time wise. I'd start, then stop and never finish it and that would strengthen a habit I have of quitting things." Actually deciding NOT to attend was, for me, making a GREAT decision. Others may see it as "waffling" or failure, but I see it as evidence of my developing self-esteem and self-discipline. Even though I would really have enjoyed taking the class, and probably could have used the chance to get out of my apartment and meet new people, I said, "No," FOR myself. I opted instead to take a few weekend classes, or a one-day retreat intensive thing instead as a reward for my dedication to working, eating and exercising and focusing on what is truly important to me right now—my goals. (Note to self: Other people do NOT have your best interest in mind because they DON'T have the big picture. They like to criticize because it makes them feel superior. Learn to set and enforce boundaries and take care of YOU no matter what others think or say. YOU are the one who will suffer the consequences.)

Part of becoming disciplined is the act of deciding what you truly want versus what just looks and feels good, or what other people think you "should do." For me, making this a goal and CHOOSING whether to eat healthy or not, or exercise or not based on my decisions is a tactic I haven't tried before. It's a CONSCIOUS COMMITMENT. I relied on emotions, moods and feelings in the past. This time, I've made a conscious decision to act regardless of what I feel or think in the moment in order to meet my goal(s). 

The feelings and moods will change, but I'm not relying on those to motivate me. I'm relying on what matters...my goal(s).

The Haircut

I was tempted to shave it all, like Britney Spears. Go bald. Begin anew. But I stopped short. I cut off about four inches of my eight inch long hair because I'm sweating now and it looks like I stuck my finger in an electric socket and I was tired of scaring my cats, and myself. I guess I was, well, inspired. Or maybe crazed. I couldn't wait until tomorrow and let a hair salon do it. I had to be done with it tonight.

Lesson One
People very rarely do a good job of cutting their own hair; this definitely includes me.

Lesson Two
It's okay to tell the truth because it doesn't matter what people think. I know I'll end up going to the salon anyway, and will FEEL like I have to explain why I took a pair of scissors to my head.

But do I really have to? I could say I woke up with bubble-gum in it...but why lie? I don't need to lie to protect myself from my truth anymore. I just have to say, "I got this wild thought at 2 a.m. and I couldn't wait." And it will be okay. Or, I don't have to say anything.

The Last Locks to Fall.

Lesson Three
Weight loss is about more than losing fat. It's about getting in touch with who you are inside. I'm ready to surround myself now with people who believe in me, because I believe in me. And that's just going to get better.

That's all.

Cathe Travel Fit DVD Review

Woohooo!!! Back down the four again. I feel like a horse in a race, "ahead by four, down by six and rounding the first turn." Who knew weight loss could be so exciting!

Anyway, as I'm sitting here listening to the rain and debating driving 20 miles for a REAL bagel with hummus and sprouts or actually getting up and fixing a salad...I figured NOW would be a good time to critique the Cathe - Travel Fit DVD my friend Lorraine Esposito sent me!!  Yes...I plug her every chance I get because the woman is AWESOME...If you do nothing else to make someone's day, please click through to her website so she knows I wrote this!

Okay, Video time!! First of all, it kicks your butt, as expected. It left everything on my body that could jiggle, shaking with exhaustion. And that was just from fending off my two kittens who LOVE, LOVE, LOVE dangly things and me screaming "NO NO NO! STOP, STOP, STOP!" at them. After locking them in the bathroom to protest while I worked out (They actually LOVE the bathroom. During the day they sleep there on a towel on the floor, so trust me, it was no hardship. They were not harmed in the execution of this workout. They just didn't get to shred my band!). After that, it was Go TIME!

The Cathe - Travel Fit DVD REVIEW

OMG! This woman moves in "fast forward" mode! I could do maybe ONE move to her four. This video in slow motion would be me  moving FAST. The rubber band is great. When I hit myself in the head with it, it doesn't hurt. Seriously. Dumb bells and my weak body are dangerous. This video will BURN calories. I really like her. No talking and BS to "get started." She jumps RIGHT into warm up and work out. Her heart rate rising remarks are perfectly timed. Whether I'm chugging along at my speed, or she's moving at the pace of a squirrel on Aderol, (SPEED) our heart rates go at the same time.

She does give beginners the option of using a lighter resistance band...which is nice. This is a non-stop 45 minute video. I lasted 10 minutes and I wanted to quit at 3. I like her reminder that it's okay to do half (or less) of the exercises until you get in shape. I felt clumsy. But then, I have two left feet.

This walking, kicking, crossing, hopping, stretching at the same time made my eyes glaze over, so I picked one move, like stretching the rubber band, and did that. As I get comfortable with doing more, I'll do more. You do more things than I ever thought was possible with this band and boy, do you FEEL IT!!

Move at Your Own Pace, But Don't DOG IT.

I think that's the most important thing you can remember when doing ANYTHING, not just working out. Move at your OWN pace. Don't let someone more experienced, or in better shape, tell you you're not doing enough unless THEY are a trained fitness coach. On the other hand, YOU have to be the one to push yourself past your comfort zone just enough to advance. I've had personal trainers who are trained to push a person past their comfort zone, but not into injury zone.

I've also had other people with their own unresolved emotional baggage try to push me because they didn't have the balls to push themselves or deal with their own issues. So, if you need pushing, hire a professional, but hire one who LISTENS to you. Trust your gut. You know the difference. If they get offended or angry or belittle you when you ask questions about their pushing you, find someone else. A coach or trainer should be able to discuss your fitness level without SHAMING you, or getting angry.

One of the things I HATE about Jillian Michaels (The Biggest Loser) is she takes her anger issues out on people by demeaning, belittling and crapping on them. Makes for great television, but it feels bad enough to be fat without her screaming hate at you. I get the sense she could/is a good listener one-on-one, but her having a mother who is a therapist doesn't make her one because she lived in the same house. I don't know what her psychological training is, but the screaming and yelling thing? Doesn't do it for me. It's a fine line...Take your time finding someone who can push you without making you feel like dog poop.

Okay, enough complaining. If you're not sweating, hating it and feeling like giving up, you're not working. I'm also feeling angry that I'm so out of shape I can't do 20 minutes of exercise with big rubber band. But, I also know that I need to take baby steps. 5 minutes a day, then 7, 8, 10 and my body will VERY quickly adapt and in a month I'll be doing the entire 45 minutes.

This is one long workout, but the menu breaks it down into "chapters." Each chapter addresses a particular part of the body, like triceps, biceps etc. So, very happy to see that. I can personalize my workout, or just do the parts I'm working on that day, or I can work on working through the whole thing, or skip to something I CAN do when she's doing stuff I can't do without having to cool down or do something else. Versatile. I like that! My only complaint about the whole video is that I'm too slow and fat to keep up with it, but I can fix THAT!

Anyway, excellent video! Cathe - Travel Fit on Amazon.com, or look for it wherever you buy your fitness videos, or get it from her website.

If you travel a lot, these bands are lightweight and excellent to tuck into a bag. She recommends wearing weight lifting gloves. Amazon has a variety of gloves, like Women'sMeshback Lifting Gloves , for $6.42. Or the women's pink back, leather gloves for $13.60. I got mine at Walmart for $10.95. So look around and try them on. Get a snug, but not tight fit. When you start sweating like a pig the rubber band thing gets slippery, and it's hard to hold onto. Look around though. LOTS of styles to choose from!

Give it 12 Weeks. Don't Quit.

Stages of Weight Loss:

I love this photo (left). I love it because I did not know this before! I knew about the predictable stages of weight loss. I did not know about the results phases/stages.

What are the stages of deciding to Diet and Exercise? Well, contrary to popular belief, for most of us the dieting and exercise phase rarely comes after reasoned and careful thought about our health. For the  most part we don't wake up one morning and think, "You know, I'm really fat. I should lose weight." It takes the loss or pain of something, a job, our health, our spouse, a relationship; or the humiliation of being who we are in a society that hates fat people.

No, the decision to "do something about our weight" usually comes after:

STAGE ONE

• Suddenly seeing oneself in a photo, a mirror or a reflection in a store window unexpectedly.
• Having someone on the street, in a store or restaurant call you "fat," or worse.
• Your doctor says, "Been nice knowing you, you'll be dead before your next checkup," or, "Seriously, do you have a death wish or what?"
• You faint, lose your balance or can't catch your breath after getting up off the couch, toilet or out of bed.
• You have to rest half way up one flight of steps.
• You have to rest on the way back from the mailbox, and it's just 30 feet away.
• You have to "squeeze" into the front seat of a car.
• You wonder "how much walking" you're going to have to do if you agree to go somewhere with friends.
• Your children tell you you're "too fat" and you embarrass them. 
• Your children don't want to be seen with you because of your size.
• You fall down and you can't get up and no one will help you because they're afraid they'll hurt their back helping you simply stand up.
• You fall and have to roll over on your hands and knees to get up.
• You no longer need a table to set your dinner plate and glass on—your stomach works just fine as a level surface.
• You notice you use your stomach as a second shelf.
• If married, or in a relationship, you honestly can't remember the last time you had sex and your spouse doesn't seem to care.

There are thousand of other "aha" moments. Fill in your own.

STAGE TWO

Whatever it takes to break through our denial of how much weight we've gained, is followed by Stage Two which consists of an exclamation, "OMG Am I really THAT FAT??!!!" which is followed by:

• A Food Binge.
• Depression.
• Copious amounts of tears.
• A Biggest Loser seasons 1-13 Marathon while consuming gallons of ice cream and piles of junk food and telling yourself the contestants are "way fatter than you,"
• Taking a week off from work because you're suddenly "too fat" to show up — as though you honestly believe that no one else noticed this about you before now.
• A decision to "lose weight."

Stage Three

Once the decision to go on a diet and lose weight, is made, stage three follows. This is where, gripped by firm determination to "actually stick with diet and exercise this time," you then:

• Spend a weekend in the bookstore looking at diet and exercise books before buying at least two of each.
• Spend an evening, or a weekend, shopping for "new workout clothes and equipment."
• Orchestrate another Biggest Loser Marathon weekend while drinking water and feeling righteously smug that "this isn't as hard as you thought it would be."
• Tour and join a local gym, while remarking how long it's been since you even thought of the Y.M.C.A. as anything except a disco dance song.
• Go to sleep blissfully sated with the excitement of the new clothes, new shoes, new exercise DVDs, new gym membership, new exercise clothes.

Stage Four

Stage three is followed by Stage four, actually working out and eating right. It can last from two days up to two weeks or even two months (my all time record), at which point the "diet and exerciser" is swayed from their weight loss mission by:

• Soreness.
• A realization of how much time and money exercise and eating right actually takes.
• A realization of how they've suddenly doubled the amount of laundry they have to do now that they are sweating, showering and changing clothes so often.
• Lack of willpower.
• Lack of discipline.
• Fear of being skinny.
• Fear of dying on the treadmill.
• Family and friends who continue to enjoy eating like pigs and staying skinny (life is not fair), while you struggle more and more.
• Self-pity at how hard this is.
• Depression at the realization that the fat didn't creep on overnight and it's sure not going to leave overnight.
• The realization that it's far harder to lose the weight than to find it.
• The realization that you don't really "lose" weight...you beat it off of your body with a series of machines and eating thousands of pounds of rabbit food.

I can't really talk about Stages Five, Six, Seven and so on...because I'm one of those people who gives up after a month or two of working out. I've never really made it to WEEK TWELVE. I can say my excuse is my health, but I think it's a combination of health and fear and lack of discipline. I want to make it to WEEK TWELVE this time. Like the picture says, "DON'T QUIT. Give it time. Give it 12 weeks." So, I'm giving it TWELVE WEEKS. Whether I fall off the logging wagon or not, or miss a day, it's NOT going to derail me. I'm doing it. If you're reading this and feeling inspired...join me!

Doing Good! Except for the Sugar Binge!

Sigh. Holding steady. But at least I haven't gained. I went on a sugar binge, two sodas, a bag of circus peanuts, assorted candy that screamed "BUY ME!" and "It's okay, we'll still respect you in the morning!" at the checkout counter. (TIP: That's what they all say." I just freaked. What can I say. Amazon told me it would be 6 weeks before they could get my Urban Rebounder to me and I suddenly had visions of a respite from working out. I had "AN EXCUSE." Bad Becky, bad.

So today I checked around...the company who makes the darn things takes 2-3 weeks, but Walmart promised to have it to me in a week. Amazon shipping is FREE. Urban Rebounder charges $29.95 to ship. Walmart wanted $2.97 to ship it to my door, cheaper than the $3.78 cents it would cost me in gas to DRIVE there to pick it up (which would be FREE if I did). That would drive anyone to consume sugar right?

So, I got the thing ordered. Walmart, who it seems really does rule the retail world (C'mon Amazon - SIX WEEKS?!)  will have earned my consumer confidence if they can pull this off.

Seriously, when a person wants to lose weight you have to strike, and SELL, when the desire is keenest. Once we wake up from a snack induced fast food coma after watching Home Shopping Network or surfing the web after watching Biggest Loser, chances are we might cancel that order if it's not on its way. Never give someone trying to lose weight a chance to change their minds, because studies show, we will.

Other than not logging, eating sugar, drinking soda and not getting a darn thing done because I was passed out from the sugar ....I've done sort of well. I did eat a lot of protein, veggies and salad...and drank a lot of water. I just didn't log it.  Sigh. Well, tomorrow is another day—especially since my rebounder is now TRULY on its way!

Girl, You Need a Cheeseburger

I went to Walmart the other night and bought a copy of Jillian Michaels DVD, "Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30." It's cheaper at Amazon.com, but only by about .30 cents. If you click on the link above and actually go to Amazon and buy it then I'll make .10 cents. By the time I've lost that 100 pounds I'll be able to pay off the DVD! Woohoo!

Anyway, I sat down and finished off the last of the ice cream (within my calorie budget for the day) and watched Week One of hell with Jillian Michaels to see what I'm in for tomorrow. It looked pretty easy, or at least pretty do-able, so that means it will KICK MY BUTT and I will cry like a little girl and inhale aspirin for a week and wish I was a drinker. Or I'll ice my knee and do it again the next day and the next and the next until I too am "ripped," or all my hair falls out and I look like the naked cat in the picture.

 Anyway, after I watched Week One I watched Week Four. I gulped. I hurt just watching it. Jillian is famed for her sadistic and mean workouts and she doesn't disappoint anyone who's willing to spend $9.85 for her DVD. Her motto?

"Unless you puke, faint or die, keep going."

~ Jillian Michaels

I don't think exercise OR weight loss needs to be so dramatic, but that's Jillian and The Biggest Loser culture.  They've beaten it into our heads that weight loss has to hurt and involve a lot of drama. I don't think it does, unless you're creating a hit reality show where the ends justifies the means. I think weight loss can be painful (in a good way), but it doesn't have to be shameful. If you want to get someone to EMBRACE something, you don't make them hate it, or you, first. There's a lot to be said for being humble. Then again, the woman gets results. Can't argue with results.

Anyway, I'm kind of like that calico cat in the photo. I think the cat is right. Her friend does need a cheeseburger...maybe several. I'm not in this to develop an eating disorder, or rather a DIFFERENT eating disorder (emotional eating is a disorder I think). I'm in it to get energy back. I moved a 10-pound barbell when I was cleaning the other day and I thought, "Whoa!! I've lost 8 pounds. Two more pounds and THIS is how much weight I will have lost and how much I've been dragging around all this time! No wonder I don't have any energy! I'm dragging around TEN of these dumb bells EVERY DAY!" It was a shock.

Okay, I'll let you know how the workout goes. She includes a 30-day "diet" plan too. She has like 10 different breakfasts, lunches and dinners and both vegan and meat choices to chose from. And you eat like a pig, er queen, too. I'll post my favorites from the plan under recipes so you can try them along with me, or not!

Lose the Fat, or Accept the Fat?

Ever feel like this? Yeah. Me too.

One of the primary reasons I want to lose weight is because fat jokes and pictures just like this really convey how our society feels about fat people and their food.

Face it. Skinny people (and fat) don't like fat people. I'm fat and I'm the first to admit that given the before and after photos of most fat people, I'd be more interested in the AFTER photo. Admit it. You would too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, people are people, it's what's inside that counts and all that. Then explain all the studies that show that's not true at all. The fact is, fat people get the short end of the stick. Sure, if you have a great personality and people get to know you they ADORE you (cough, cough), but unless you're ALL fat, you're not at the top of their list when it comes to hiking, biking, or doing stuff you just can't do because you're...well. FAT.

Harsh? Maybe. It's not politically correct to admit it, but many of us, even us fatties, secretly harbor admiration and envy for the slimmer people around us. Why? Because we've all had these things drilled into us since childhood:

• Fat people sweat.
• Fat people are lazy.
• Fat people are less intelligent.
• Fat people are mean.
• Fat people are unhappy.
• Fat people smell funny.
• Fat people get tired faster than anyone else.
• Fat people need food around.
• Fat people don't like to do things (physical) because it's hard for them.
• Fat people are out of shape.
• Fat people are secretly insecure.
• Fat people look funny in clothes—no matter how tailored they are.
• Fat people don't feel good about themselves.
• Fat people take things more personally than skinny people.
• Fat people aren't taken seriously. 

I realize you're probably horrified I said all that, but for most of us, it's true, whether we will admit it or not, we have all heard those things, and believed them, or still do. There will also be those from NAAFP (National Association to Advance Acceptance Fat Acceptance) who say it's not true, or shouldn't be. Our realities are our realities. What can I say?

I have worked as a police officer, as an ambulance attendant, and in a lot of jobs where I heard others commenting about people's weight. Doctors, nurses, cops, clerks, teachers....they are all professionals, but they all make comments (negative) that reflect that underlying attitude. Don't  take my word for it. It may be subtle, but it's there. No matter how GOOD you feel about your own weight, the fact is, people discriminate against fat people. They just do. You're only real question is, do you want to fight for acceptance, or relent and lose the weight?

There are people like Ragen Chastain, who blogs at "Dances With Fat." Ragen is a choreographer, dancer, blogger and a big, but healthy and confident woman. I LOVE her attitude, her passion, her dedication to the belief that you don't have to LOOK healthy to be healthy, and that we should all treat each other with respect, kindness and compassion. I agree 200%. You don't HAVE to be skinny to love yourself, and you shouldn't have to be skinny to love yourself. But some of us who love ourselves (or are starting to, or want to), include losing weight as part of that journey.

Does most of the world agree with us? No. Unfortunately not. If you have the personality and strength to love yourself at your current weight and have no desire to lose it, go for it. You can love yourself at your current weight even if you're losing weight. But as the video above shows (research) is that there is discrimination against the obese. You can stand up and fight for acceptance, or lose the weight and avoid the hassles. I don't have the energy to fight. You might. IF you do? Then talk to Ragen. This is her message. 

Ragen gets a LOT of HATE MAIL, so much she's started monetizing it!! Go Ragen! I hate that she gets it. I don't understand why people have to attack others for any reason, but they do. If you don't like fat people, fine. Just keep it to yourself. Same with skinny people. Let he/she who is without sin(s) cast the first stone...so they say.

How does fat discrimination play out? Years ago I was a juror on a case in Virginia. It involved a man who was a drug addict. The prosecutor, who was about 6-foot-five and weighed in the neighborhood of 600+ pounds was an obviously angry-at-somebody kind of guy. It oozed out him. He was not happy. He had a heart of gold, but there was something simmering underneath all that— a passion for justice and frustration with the pain people caused each other, I think.

Anyway, he got up before the jury and ripped on this addict to us, telling us that the man was immoral and weak-willed and lazy and that if he WANTED to stop using drugs, he could. He just didn't want to. When we got back to the jury room all the jurors could talk about was the prosecutor's weight. If HE couldn't stop eating, and food was a drug, then this man, who was less intelligent, with fewer resources, couldn't either.

They made a decision based, not on the law, but out of pity and out of the force of the prosecutor's weight and his argument about addiction being a matter of will power!!  About six months ago I saw that same prosecutor out and about town. He looked like he'd dropped about 400 of his 600 pounds. He looked GOOD. He looked competent. I was impressed. All my feelings about him CHANGED. I don't doubt for a minute I was the only one who felt that either. Knowing him before and after his loss? I KNEW he was the same person, but NOW I really saw him, saw his confidence, saw his INNER PEACE. Yep. True confessions. I know that when I lose 100 pounds people will feel the same—different, more respectful. Some will be still be jerks, but they've always been jerks. I know for a fact that SKINNY people are treated differently. You know it too.

How people treat us, how seriously they take us, what they think (whether consciously or not) about us IS related in part to our weight. Okay, those who work with a lot of obese people may think differently, but the majority of American society puts a HUGE value on looks, weight first. You are TOTALLY free to be the size, ANY size you want to be. But be aware, your choices have consequences, pro and con.

I think about that a lot. And it's another reason why I'm motivated to lose weight. People don't care WHY you're fat, or what your excuses are. They'll still be your friends, but they'll always be thinking, "I wish she would lose a few pounds, for her health." I've decided to lose weight because I don't need or want the stress of fighting people over what THEY should think about me. I just don't.

Breakthrough! Emotional Eating

CONFESSION

I'm an emotional eater. 99.99% of us are, just to different degrees. So, I noticed my weight is the SAME today as it was yesterday, but I had a great breakthrough today, so I expect it will drop in the next day or two.

DEFINITION OF EMOTIONAL EATING

When you're feeling uncomfortable, painful or scary emotional stuff, you eat.

That's the definition of emotional eating, in a nutshell. There are all kinds of psycho-babble definitions of emotional eating, what it does, why we do it and so on, but the bottom line is, when we don't feel good, rather than DEAL with what's making us uncomfortable, we eat something! It's called "self-medicating" too. Self-medicators indulge in sex, shopping, gambling, drugs, alcohol, bullying, eating or whatever their "medication" of choice is—the thing that will make them "feel better" after indulging. Emotional eaters indulge in comfort food. It's CALLED comfort food for a reason. Eating when you're stressed releases endorphins, which soothe those uncomfortable feelings. So, look at a fat person and you can pretty much tell how stressed, angry, depressed or uncomfortable they are with themselves. Fat is PROTECTION. What we need protecting from changes from person-to-person, but it almost always comes down to feeling a need to insulate ourselves, our feelings and who we are from the world.

MY BREAKTHROUGH

I've always struggled to "ride out" the emotional eating urges. Sometimes I've succeeded, most times I've simply delayed the urge. Today I sat with the desire and LISTENED to it. WHAT triggered the urge? Why was it triggered? How could I address the issue? Then I took action. Yes. It was uncomfortable and scary and I probably could have handled it better, but I took action, stated my BOUNDARIES and expressed what I needed. It doesn't matter if the person I expressed all that to responds favorably or not! What matters is that I stood up for myself and acted on MY BEHALF. And you know what? The urge to emotionally EAT went away. INSTANTLY!!!

I've been learning about Boundaries, and how to set them, enforce them and use them to make my life less stressful.

BOUNDARIES

The book that saved MY life is  Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It's also on my "Books" page if you want to know more.  Or, just read the Boundaries page for more details so you don't have to buy the book.

Essentially, boundaries are the emotional, mental and even physical fences that we put up around ourselves to tell other people how to treat us. It's NOT control. We can't control whether they listen to or respect our boundaries or not. But we can control how we respond (not react) to their abuse of our boundaries. For instance, when someone is yelling at you, your boundary is that you do not tolerate or accept people yelling at you. So you say, "When you yell at me I can't hear you because it scares me. So I don't allow myself to be yelled at. If you want to have a discussion with me you'll have to stop yelling. If you can't stop yelling then this conversation is over and I'm leaving until you calm down." Now the person can keep yelling, at which point you ENFORCE your boundary by LEAVING, like you said you would; or they stop yelling (respecting your boundary) and you can keep talking.

You're not controlling them. You're giving them options—either respect your boundary and stop yelling, or don't respect it, at which point you'll leave. They may leave. They may stop yelling. They may keep yelling. No matter what they do, YOU are STILL in control of YOU.  Boundaries are amazing things. Yes, for all you people pleasers (like me) out there, people DO get THEIR feelings hurt when you have boundaries, but guess what? Mature adults are responsible for their own feelings. It's NOT up to you to make the world feel warm and fuzzy by allowing it to trample all over YOU if that's what it takes.

SUMMARY

So today I expressed MY needs, wants and boundaries and it felt GOOD! I don't know if the other person felt good. I tried to convey my needs etc. in the most mature, matter-of-fact way possible, but the bottom line is, I matter. I come first, and not in a selfish way. But if I have nothing to give because I'm all tapped out giving to others, no one benefits. Same with you. When you say "No," to doing ten things for someone else who WON'T do things for themselves, then you don't have the energy or resources to do things for the people you love who CAN'T do things for themselves. Boundaries are about best utilizing our resources and caring for ourselves so we can do for others if we choose to.

Well, I either gained 3 pounds eating fewer than my allotted calories, or I'm retaining water, or the scale is wonky. Either way, I'm not letting it ruin my day. Tomorrow's numbers will be down I'm sure.

That's one of the advantages of weighing yourself everyday. You learn that your weight DOES fluctuate day-to-day, and that you are NOT a number. If you go at it with the right attitude, that losses are wins, and that not losing, or gaining for no apparent reason are just part of the process, it can be empowering.

I spent the day rearranging my bedroom so I could move in my rebounder and hopefully a small home gym. The one at the left is a Gold's Gym XRS 30 System and, believe it or not, is only $197. Yeah. Blew me away too. With 45 reviews on Walmart's site it has a 4 out of 5 rating. I'm going to start saving for it and in a month or so maybe I can swing that to add to the cardio mix. First off I'm getting the rebounder though. (for more info on equipment, see my equipment page).

It's raining, still. It's rained all day, so this has been a great day for getting ready to work hard. My calves are hurting from the stair stepper I started yesterday. I got all my dumbbells out today and have started doing some curls and flys. I'll post all my workouts and routines under WORKOUTS of course (see the menu bar above). So, it's coming together. Once the mess is off the floor and it doesn't look like a tornado blew through here I'll get some photos uploaded too! I promise!

Why can't I see things as "good"? I lost another FOUR POUNDS OVERNIGHT!! My first thought wasn't, "Oh GOODIE!!!, I'm sticking to my diet and this is the result!!" It was, "I hope I don't have cancer."

The problem in the past has always been FEAR. Fear of looking good and attracting attention and having to deal with that—good or bad. Fear of people being jealous and haranguing on me more than usual, although now I do have the social skills and insights to tell them to go *^&#@$ themselves. Yay me.

For me the challenge will be breaking the 200 mark. I started this journey at 238, I'm down 8 pounds in a week, and my plateau point has always been 200. So, 30 pounds to go. I honestly believe once I hit 195, I can cruise. The "last 10" or whatever pounds that people struggle with won't be a problem. Getting under 200 will. At least last night's headache wasn't a stroke, and I only had a few sips of coffee and some "BC Powder"...God's gift to pain.

Headache from HELL!!!

headache |ˈhedˌāk|
noun
a continuous pain in the head.
• informal a thing or person that causes worry or trouble; a problem : an administrative headache.

It's midnight. I went to bed at 9 p.m., a decent hour considering I usually hit the rack about 3 a.m. I just woke up with the headache from hell. My first thought was, "I'm having a stroke!" My second thought was, "I hope it's over fast because this is killing me."

I'm not sure why, when it's something that's probably life-threatening, that we find reasons to believe it is NOT serious, but when it's something not serious, we make it into something life threatening. Anyway...I can barely move it hurts so much. So I got up and fixed a coffee. I'm pretty sure it's caffeine withdrawal.

One of the things I DON'T like about losing weight is how vigorously the body resents giving up its fat. Headaches. Bodyaches. Teeth Grinding (which may also be the cause of the headache.). Gas. I know. I know. It's just readjusting, but it sucks. Those who can overcome this week of discomfort often find that the body, having realized you're not going to capitulate to its temper tantrums, will relent and even look forward to phase two - introducing exercise.

I've lost five pounds so far. Only 95 Pounds to go. I'm going to order an Urban Rebounder ASAP. Only $99 plus shipping. That's a dollar a pound. I'll remind myself of that every time I jump on it. In the meantime, I'm taking some aspirin and pouring this coffee down the drain and drinking some water. If you don't see any posts here for a week or so, I was probably wrong about it being a caffeine headache.